Hey GM, as somebody who went through what you're going through.. Walking and KML are right. You need to separate out what your feelings are and that of what is best for your kids. Walking made an excellent point via that story.
I can tell you I was very surprised and hurt by my ex w's actions, choices, and behaviors. I had a ring side seat for that train-wreck for too long. But I do NOT for one second regret how I handle(d) my feelings with regards to the kids. I was very careful (not enough of course) to keep things from the kids that belonged between ex and I. My ex has not been so careful. Her anger is leading her to tell me she wants to be a single parent. She puts her anger into our daughter who right now doesn't want to speak to me. She isn't sure why, but she is angry and tries very hard to be angry. Just like her mother.
Kids follow their parents.
Feel your feelings. Deal with the present and not the past nor the future. But deal with right now. Understand that your kids are looking to you for guidance. How you handle your emotions and the situation will stick with them for many years to come.
To add to the above story... I had a neighbor who was telling me about his divorce years ago. His wife did similar to mine when his kids were little. His son, now almost 40 called him and told him, "Dad, thanks for all you did when mom left. I don't think I ever told you how much that meant to me."
It is important to show our kids, GM. Very.
As for your H. His choices are his choices as are yours. You are stuck in that legal limbo for a while longer. It will finish when it is finished. Not a minute earlir no matter what you do. He will make his mistakes and you should capitalize on them whether you feel like it right now or not. Take the high road, but don't hesitate in your actions. It matters.
A year from now, things will look very different if you take these steps. It's not what you wanted nor asked for, but only you can change the implications and minimize the kids damage. Time to face the present only and figure out how you intend to help yourself and your kids.
Some things to consider. AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
