Well if your H got all flirty, then that wasnt as counterproductive as you though was it?
As for the other guy, not to pry too much, but would you have slept with him that night? He may have just been moving too fast for your comfort so you slammed the breaks. Maybe your sleaze bag detector needs recalibration and he was just being flirty? Hard to tell. Is the guy still after you or did he move on? Guys are kinda used to this kind of rejection anyways so it probably didn't hit him that hard.
Either way you probably deserve a strong confident man whether your H or someone else.
You are absolutely right I do need to get a better sleeze radar. I did over react but he did move on...possibly because he thought I was extremely conservative or because he was a sleeze who knows! But if you say guys are used to that then I won't worry too much about whether I'm over reacting or not in the future.
I guess it was productive.....I think H let himself get closer because of my change of attitude and also because maybe him thinking that I was dating meant that he could let his guard down a tiny bit that I wasn't interested in him anymore. its all mind reading though
AHA!!!! You know when you have that AHA moment. I had it...in the shower thinking about KD's post on Zig's thread. I've been struggling because I want a relationship, I did enjoy getting out and dating again, I do find myself looking around and seeing men as attractive again.
But then I second guess myself am I doing this in response to H not responding to me? Am I doing this for attention or to feel good in response to a rejection from H?
But H is just another option. In fact he's less of an option. And all that happy, fun, light heartedness I felt a month and a half ago can be there again because it's not an either or. Either I work flirting with H or I begin dating. I'm just going to be me...happy, fun, flirty, cute me.
I just had to smile out loud... you in the shower... thinking about me... I mean my post... lol!!!!
Some of the best Rs I have are with X GFs. During my M I was very careful to not be excessive with flirting. But before and now... I can be right out there and raunchy with them and be very comfortable that... at the end of the day... they ain't comin' home with me...
I can definitely see that type of R with my W, in the future.
And why are they not coming home with me? Because at the end of the day, it's my choice to not be available. Even if the reality is, they don't want to be with me...
One day, I will find that certain someone and I will open myself up to that level of trust and commitment, again. I do not fear it.
That's the beautiful thing!
I'm glad you have found that place, Brit!
And you don't have to be closed to what ever may come in the future...
And all that happy, fun, light heartedness I felt a month and a half ago can be there again because it's not an either or. Either I work flirting with H or I begin dating. I'm just going to be me...happy, fun, flirty, cute me.
ooh - i like that
since the general consensus is that i'm a step behind you, brit - i am SOOOOO looking forward to being in the state you described.
i'm so close i can almost taste it.
hmm... do i get an aha moment in the shower thinking of KD too? oops - KD's post, I mean
hey KD - that's quite the description of your r's with your ex's!! you hold many secrets that you let out slowly and in a timely manner...
(((brit)))
i love where you are , girl!
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
lol zig! All ya gotta do is just imagine my posts on fabio's body... lol.... NOT...
I don't think you guys know, I actually had a... ummmm... "bad" rep when I was younger... the ladies considered me a male slut...
O_o !!!!
I know, hunh?
truth is, most of that was just rumours... but when the boys were out drinkin' and fightin', I was hangin' wid da gurlz! My buddies used to think I had me a harem...
KD don't make me get out the sleaze radar! LOL I can totally see why women talked to you. I was the opposite. I had female friends but I also had loads of guy friends who were willing to do anything for me. Yeah, made me into the princess I had to fight against......but also taught me how to "relate" to guys. I work in a very male dominated field and having the skill to talk to anyone is certainly needed.
Zig I am at the picnic! I'm bringing the tea scones and fresh strawberries!
I think Zig that the flirt "technique" had us thinking more towards an outcome. And the reason I love this board is that the majority of people are saying the only outcome you need is to be a happier more stable version of you. Because when we come here we're broken disillusioned desperate and in so much pain. What I've gotten from DB is how to manage those feelings so that you don't destroy whatever bit of communication and friendship that could be there between you and your ex. You'll feel better for that either way especially if you have kids. And maybe they'll take a second look. But whatever happens you would have used this time not crying your eyes out and feeling sorry for yourself but learning and growing and setting yourself up for a great future post divorce.
I read on someone else's sitch that the members "they grew up with".... And I loved that phrase I like that I came here so unhappy and met some other people and little by little we see each other grow stronger, less timid and afraid and more accepting of the unknown future.
Brit you continueto inspire me with your approach and thoughts. You really are awesome. I continue to read your posts and they really help me think and learn.
So glad to see you at the the picnic!
Zig- lol! Belly dancing is usually a female dominated domain, but maybe with enough spiced rum KD can shake it up a bit for us! Lol!!! The image is seriously making me laugh.out.loud
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I mean my post... lol!!!!