I apologize - for offending you. let it never be said that zig doesn't own her stuff.
I do still believe the things i wrote , but i don't think i was able to put them in a way that didn't cause you offense, and for that I am deeply sorry.
you came here to help - and instead of asking and listening - i went off on my spiel.
I asked a lot of questions - not because i was being defiant, but because i really want to know. I am sorry they came across that way. i was sincerely hoping you would answer them - they were not to make any sort of point.
I am fine if you don't want to answer this post, I wrote it more from a place of wanting to be honest more than anything else
I will hope that you could find it in yourself to continue the conversation - not just for me but for the others also who are trying to find firm ground in this area
sincerely zig
Zig,
I was not in the least bit offended, and no apology necessary. This is a place full of hurting, struggling people, and I never take anything personally. I only have a limited amount of time to spend on the forum these days, and so I try to identify situations where someone feels their current approach is NOT working ... for them. Since you are content with your current strategy, and my "challenge" posts seemed to only be upsetting you, that's why I said good-bye.
Your approach seems to be "Boundaries are only necessary to the extent that my husband's poor behavior BOTHERS me. So I'm teaching myself not to be bothered, and so then I don't need the boundaries." I couldn't disagree with this more strongly, and I think it's not only affecting you (your upbeat mood notwithstanding), but I don't believe it builds respect and attraction from a wayward spouse, and I also see now that your son is picking up on things.
I'd still like to know what you did for "5-10 years" that you feel was abusive to your husband, and yes it does change my advice somewhat. I would hope that we would ALL try to tailor our advice to people's specific situations, so I'm not sure why that would be confusing to you.
