Just rambling.... Weekends are the worst for me....feels like the clock just ticks along slowly. The thoughts on my mind today are how sad all this is for all of us. I read so many stories on here about affairs, WAS, MLC, etc. When will people realize how precious life is, and how marriage should be respected? I am in awe for many of you and how strong you are in the face of such tradedy. How do you do it? How do you stay so focused?
With all the loss of life this past week, it makes me pause and realize how precious life is. I wish I had fought harder in my marriage and worked daily to be the kind of wife I needed to be. I wish I had not waited until we were on life support to try DB. It's too late for me now, and I will live with that regret. I wish none of us had to be here. I'm not saying my ex was a saint, because he was not, but there are things I wish I could have done differently.
I am not at a place where I have peace with any of this. There is not a day that I do not cry and scream out with pain. I love my ex, and know in my heart that will not change....no matter the circumstances. A final D decree with not change what the heart feels. None of us are children anymore...and I am finally realizing what real, unconditional love looks and feels like towards a spouse.
I am stuck...unable to go back, and unable to go forward. I know this must change, but I feel powerless to do anything about it. I wish I had a time machine so I could go back, knowing what I know now and do things right this time. I just wish for a chance to get it right.
