more turtles by my side...

[zig]

well kd - so much for anything working for me..as far as the sitch goes.


just found out from s that h has not only told him exactly where he went, but also told him of ow's presence there.

as far as i can tell he's just put it as - i'm going to visit friend and her mom and friends' sister who's there too.

so i have just found out that ow's name is now known to s. he couldn't remember the name and asked me - i got vague and said i didn't quite remember...yuck

so his singing was about getting excited because h promised to do this project with him when he got back.

but when i lay down next to him and asked if h had told him when he was getting back - his whole demeanor changed and he got tense and seemed really down. then he got clingy and didn't want me to leave. so he is dealing with stuff too - just wish he could open up and express himself and his real feelings so i could tell where he is really at and support him in it.

it's sad for me to have to just stand back and watch him struggle - he is too much like his father and grandfather. he has learned really well that feelings that hurt should be suppressed as much as possible....

on to what you wrote -

i can't say that my goal is to be a better me regardless of the outcome of my marriage. I want both, but of course with what continues to go on - i may not want both always

I was shocked because I knew better. I KNEW that not all Ms survive. I KNEW that I KNEW better. And I was having a hard time believing that I had become co-dependent. Or at the very least, emotionally enmeshed in the outcome of my M.

how come you knew better? i didn't know any better - i figured eventually we would iron things out. i didn't know about co-dependency. and aren't we expected to become emotionally enmeshed in our marriages? isn't that what most people do. are you telling me that most marriages that last , the people are not emotionally enmeshed and at any given time can accept that their marriage is over and simply move on?

sheesh, if that is so, i have ALOT to learn

sorry KD - i can't remember right now, if you guys are already D'd or your wife has filed. i'm embarrassed to ask..

no leeches and weeds - the turtles i'm with swim in the most peaceful part of the ocean - deep deep down where things are still and the murmur of the outside world is silenced...

i'm not there right now, but i'm already swimming down ....