My opinion is that we never really know what may or may not be the reasons for a WAS to "come home". IDK if Starsky knows that your H isn't living at home. That for all intents and purposes, your H is gone, just not filed, yet.
I am glad you self checked after reading my post. That was my hope. It is the beauty of this board that we get all these different perspectives to mull over.
Without a doubt, if what you are doing stops working for you, try something different. And I know I saw Starsky post recently about "what is working" is about what is working for you, to achieve your goal. In your case, I believe that you feel that what you are doing is working to help you achieve your goal, which is a better you, regardless of the outcome of your M.
You asked if my W shows how tortured she is or admit to being agonized.
The short answer is, "no". Early on, she had suggested at one point that she wasn't having an easy time of it (her decision), yet qualified that with suggesting she wasn't going to change her mind. Otherwise, she projects to me and everyone that she is doing fine and while things are a little challenging, she's making due and working things out for herself. So for my W, she won't even allow herself to be vulnerable enough to tell me that she won't allow herself to be vulnerable with me...
You asked if I would elaborate on my saying that I was shocked by my reaction to the sitch.
What I mean is, knowing who I am and what I believe in, which is who I was and what I believed in when I decided to commit to my W, is that as much as I was committing to a lifetime with her, I was also fully aware that people change, change their mind, and there was no guarantee the M would work out and that if it did not, I would be OK.
What that run on sentence means is, I was shocked because I knew better. I KNEW that not all Ms survive. I KNEW that I KNEW better. And I was having a hard time believing that I had become co-dependent. Or at the very least, emotionally enmeshed in the outcome of my M.
So yes, I DO care about my W and children... my nuclear family... It's just that I do realize, understand, and accept that sometimes... D happens... I just have to learn from it and always work on being a better person and be the best dad I can be.
As far as swimming alongside... IDK... are there leeches and weeds? If so... I'm outta the pool...
re: cray? Apparently that's (probably soooooo last year, already) what the early teens in our part of the world say. Some reference to the slang of the "hood", as it were...
