Need help with detaching and hoping to reconcile.

[lillystillinlove]

GWN,

You asked what his complaints are, here is what I have been able to figure out:

Prior to the BOMB

1. Lack of emotional and physical intimacy
2. Lack of motivation
3. My weight (not blatant)
4. Self isolation

180

1,2,&4. Received help for my severe depression it various ways. Anti depressants, hormone adjustment, supplements and vitamins to correct vitamin and mineral deficiencies.

3. Not on purpose but months of not being able to eat caused me to lose 35lbs. I've lost an additional 10 on purpose and have kept it off for at least 3 months now.

Since the Bomb

1. All the classic DR no-nos encompassed by this one word "pushing" to reconcile
2. Why did it have to come to this for you to make all those changes

180

1. Trying, admittedly not very well yet at time, to put into practice DR/DB techniques.
2. Not really sure how to 180 a 180.

Outside of the problems with MC sessions I've started getting better with detaching. I don't call or text to try and connect, If my son and I are out and I take a picture of him I think H will like I send it to him without expectations. I don't expect us to join us as a family, I don't expect him to as me to go with him and our son if they are doing something. I don't expect him to do anything he is not willing to, I bring up trying to regain intimacy anymore (even in session), we don't discuss our relationship outside of our MC sessions. I don't ask him to do anything to assist with our sons schedule unless absolutely necessary. If something occurs outside of session that I react poorly to I try to remove myself from the situations until I can respond somewhat rationally. I am not great at responding face to face so sometimes it's through email, or I wait until our MC sessions.

I've gotten better when it comes to reacting to situations where he's angry and looking for a fight. I've been able to defuse most of those lately with the detached approach, but they are not to often.

I think my goals should be:

1. Get better at detaching or just be able to detach in our MC sessions
2. Detach more in our daily life.
3. Have H agree to attend Retrouvaille in January 2013.
4. Start running again
5. Try Yoga
6. Expand my friendships and social life