I think what's clear with your H is that he is not intending to cake eat. He actually sees being with you as cheating on the OW. Even in his confusion of not wanting to be with you, yet not leaving, he is living as though he is single, in relation to the OW. That is very similar to what my W has been doing. She would not D me, yet she "does not feel M" and likes things the way they are, in regard to our R.
Did you react to Starsky? IDK. It READ like you reacted. Then again, when you said you stepped back and thought about his post, did you ground yourself and state how you really feel about yourself and life and YOUR path?
If so, then you were simply self affirming that you are living a genuine life that you wish to lead. Nothing more, nothing less. And that is your choice.
One thing is for certain. Starsky did R and by all his accounts, their M is much better than it's ever been. He DID confront his W and it appears that after much thought, she realized her A was much less important than being with him.
Why? IDK. It could have been because he manned up. It could have been because she finally "saw the light". It could be because she felt her hold on the OM was slipping, so she decided to give Starsky another chance. Only she knows why she decided to work on the M.
Zig, you and I one of "those" that are cut from a different cloth. I believe you, like me, have for the most part lived our lives from the perspective of "live and let live". It's just who we are.
Personally, I will not "convince" someone to like me. I will not "compete" for someone's affection. Unless I feel that someone genuinely wants to be my friend, hang out with me... have raunchy, one night stands with me... then hey... awesome...
What I really find interesting is that by the end of my M, I had become so much a person that I did not want to be. And I am somewhat shocked at my reaction to the loss of my W and the nuclear family.
Believe me, I think it really stinks that my kids will grow up without married parents. I believe they have been and will continue to be in some ways, negatively impacted by that.
And...
If my W does not want to be with me... so be it... *shrug*
And...
I WILL be and AM the best ME that I can be. I... like... me... I have a feeling that someone will like me one day, in "that" way, too...
Keep being who you are, zig. And if what you are doing is working for you... that's freakin' awesome...!
Then again, when you said you stepped back and thought about his post, did you ground yourself and state how you really feel about yourself and life and YOUR path?
I have a feeling that someone will like me one day, in "that" way, too... 
