Zig, Just wanted to say, like others, that your thoughtful, open and insightful account of your position in relation to this issue is so helpful.
I am receiving a lot of encouragement on my thread to wake up to the fact that my H is gone (he is living with OW now) and pretty much have nothing to do with him.
Like you, for me, going NC seems to make things worse.
I'm now acting on my gut and practising my new-found (and wobbly) philosophy of unconditional love and kindness garnished with a healthy dash of 'look at (sexy, capable, non-needy) me'. I still get the occasional trigger that throws me right back to anger and mind-reading, but overall, like you, I feel like I'm in a better place.
It's been inspiring to hear your take on this conflict between the 'kick em to the curb' and 'seduce them' camps (to put it in its most simplistic terms).
The idea of trying to keep our balance on that constantly shifting ground really worked for me. That's how I'm going to think of myself for now.
Thank you so much.
If only that picnic rug was a magic carpet ... we could all fly away to another, happier, place.
