I was re-reading some of M Go Blue's old posts that Cadet posted. Something he said seems to apply here: you as the LBS will eventually learn that the harder you try to save the marriage, the more it pushes the MLCr away. He mentioned how much time he wasted trying to do that only to realize that it wasn't going to work. He had to let her go. I agree with him, although we have to see that for ourselves, don't we?
In this case, you said what you felt. You weren't hiding your feelings, and I for one think that is very important - for you and all concerned. There is no reason to withold your emotions and it seems it will be very painful for you to do so.
I don't condone being nasty or hostile. Don't get me wrong. I'm saying that you need to look a little further down the road and think how you want to be towards those that hurt you and act accordingly.
What I'm reading in your post is that you want to erradicate your H from your life and get the craziness to stop. He knows he hurt you, that's evident. He is not going to stop what he's doing. He also knows you're angry and likely will show anger out of frustration. Let the lawyer handle the communication and legal matters. It's what they do.
You don't have to be friends. That's really not likely for a very long time. But you can be gracious in your interactions. You can stand up for what is yours and anyone, including your ex, that tells you otherwise can go spit in the wind.
Don't hold back with the lawyers. Don't be afraid that what you are doing will push your ex further away. In fact, the opposite is more likely, although not in a positive way at this point. Figure out that you can't do ANYTHING that will either bring him back or push him further away. You cannot damage the relationship, because you didn't damage him it in the first place (to this extent).
Be you. Look out for you. Let the anger go and act in accordance with your beliefs and best interest at heart. And the best interest of the boys.
I think what you wrote is very tame considering your feelings. If that means anything
You've set a boundary. Enforce it. Guard it. Make sure you do NOT respond if he goes through the boys again. He will test you on that. But for your sake, don't respond. It WILL stop at some point.
Time to be patient and let the lawyer earn their money. Believe me, you'll see things differently later and that is not the time to have a regret.
Does the divorce hurt? Of course. It's not what you wanted. But the reality is that it is here and has to be dealt with. I had similar feelings at the time. Looking back, I wasted a lot of energy and had a lot of sleepless nights about it. But was actually a relief when all was said and done. You know why? Exactly because of what you mentioned - no more guessing. No more limbo.
Hang in there. Don't be afraid to feel your emotions and to share them as needed, but don't be ugly. No need. Gracious and business like is something you'll be happier with later I would think.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
