Needing some guidance... 5

[jks]

Ever have the thought that what you thought was best for you in your life may not be what you thought after all?

I am stronger. I am more independent and the future doesn't scare me as much anymore. People change and for all I know, H was sent into my life to show me what it is that I REALLY want out of a M. Would I have chosen for things to go in this direction? Never. But I never would have been given this opportunity to find what really matters to ME.

My faith in God and family is my biggest priority. I would love a H that pushes me and guides me only to seek further into that faith. I married my H believing these were his goals as well. He was a very spiritual person. And spiritually I thought he was going to be the head of our family. That has been a major disappointment of mine. He still expresses to me that he doesn't know if our religion will ever be a part of his life again. When I think of what all that means... I am heartbroken for him. I used to be heartbroken for myself but I realize now that I will be fine. He is a good person but right now he's letting poor choices over rule his life.

I'm only stating this today because it does make me realize that there is so much more that I want for myself and for my children. I know H will always be a great father but he lacks the spiritual guidance my children need to overcome the insanity of this world we live in. It reminds me that I am not the only one that was the fall out of our R. It puts things into perspective that he really may not be all I want in a man.

When people ask me how I'm doing what I'm doing, my answer is... through turning my life over to God. I know he will take care of me through his comfort and his love. I know what I'm doing is right. Am I perfect? No. But I will get through some how. This is the only way I know.

Still thinking, 25, about something I can join or do that will be different and help me GAL even more. I will research some things and update when I've figured it out. I do have two photo shoots next week that will be keeping me busy on my days off from my kids. Every little bit helps.

RH, thank you for your kind words and for keeping up on me. No plans this weekend. My parents took me and the kids boating yesterday and it was a blast. Just trying to get things cleaned up today and I have another walk planned with my "wise" friend tomorrow night. I still do not contact H unless it is business matters only. We finally worked out an agreement on how much money he would be transferring over to me every two weeks which has alleviated a lot of stress for me.