How Should I respond to her advances

[Arsene]

I'm sitting in my bed, alone, thinking about my sitch, how unreal it all is. I can't help but think that if she only knew how I feel, what I'm doing and what I'm ready to do, she would understand and perhaps give "us" an other chance to work things out.
A friend told me today that before I left for my country with D8, W had asked him if he thought i had changed. Then she apparently concluded I hadn't. I only wish that I had known then how to become the person I am now. I wish i had seen all the things i had been doing and how they affected the people around me, my W and even my D8.
The way I used guilt and criticism in order to manipulate people; the disappointment which showed on my face each time they didn't meet my exceedingly high standards, the anger which went uncontrolled and which I kept in me for days, anger over the smallest things.
The thing is, I live in a developing country from which my W is native and there are many issues which are difficult to deal with, or even to understand. People's "common sense" here is very different from what it is in my own country. I have been here for over 10 years and many things still get to me.
Last year, we moved to another nearby country for work and these pressures and annoyances weren't present so i was calm and serene, I'd even say happy, considering that the year prior to that I had discovered my W's EA with a work colleague.
I was able to move beyond this indiscretion and forgive her, even to trust her again and we had a wonderful year, even though we also had our good share of obstacles to overcome. In fact, overcoming these obstacles brought us closer than we had ever been and this led to W planning a return to her country with me in order to start playing music together here, as we had done in the other country.
I was ecstatic. I was convinced that our problems were over and as we came back to her country for a month before me and D8 left for our trip to my own country, the annoyances previously experienced started to occur again and I started to return to my old ways, without noticing. I wish she had told me. Warned me. i would have listened. i didn't like these traits in me. I didn't like this anger and this constant judging of other people. I wish she had told me and i would have listened. Why didn't she trust me enough to simply talk to me?
When she left me, by email, we had a few chats online and in one of those, she mentioned not wanting to go back into the same "pattern" over and over again. neither do i. I sincerely want to change. I am changing, in many ways, I have changed. Why did it have to come to this? I wish I could tell her this now. Show her I understand. Show her i want to change, become a better person. This angry person is not who i really am.
How can i make her see? What can i do for her to trust me again?
I miss her so much. When i left a few months ago, i never imagined that I wouldn't be able to hold her again, to feel her touch. Back then, she had thanked me for "sticking with her" through her transformation and her indiscretion. I wish she had chosen to stick with me through this. I don't think i was ever a bad husband, I just didn't know how to love her, appreciate her.

It hurts so much. Thanks for listening.