I am still new here, but my wife had an A 6 years ago. I was all over the map like your h, angry, then hurt, then desperate. When I would get really upset and take it out on her (not physically, just angry), she would tell me she knew that what she had done hurt me and she was so sorry, but that I was really hurting her. The fact that she was still remorseful, even when she was telling me how I was hurting her, helped me to see my own stuff better.
It took awhile for me to know whether I even wanted to stay with her, but her consistent actions of remorse and being trustworthy helped us recover. I just hope we can make it through our current situation.
