I am sorry I have not been around the past few days. Of all of the times you have been there for me and now these past few days I could not offer the same to you.
I understand the feeling of self preservation and almost numbing oneself to emotions ( I did the same the day of our eleventh anniversary in May, which was ten days after he got into PA). And it's almost as if we have to hold our breathes to get through the tunnel.
And once we are through we are ok again ( as ok as we can be in these ditches).
When you recapped your sitch just now I felt so close to you. It is very similar to mine ( my crisis spurred his crisis) and your approach of standing by while in crisis is inspiring.
It does get confusing on how to act. I have had some conflicting advice between my coach and the boards as well, and I guess it all comes down to doing what works. I just spoke with my coach yesterday and she gave me advice that scares the living sh!t out of me, but I will try it. If it does not work, I will course correct.
It is also confusing I think because we as LBS I don't think we actually realised for a long while how unhappy our S's were. So when this hits us we have to first take some time to recover from the blow and then the slow process of understanding how so many things we thought were working were actually the things that were not working.
So we have to relearn so much. And that is hard and conflicts with what what we thought we knew so well for so long.
Plus of course, what works for some does not work for others.
There are many times that I feel maybe I never knew my H at all. Maybe everything i believed was so clouded by my own stupid judgement that Maybe it wont matter what I do. And I work hard at accepting the fact that I really am a single parent right now and that what I thought was mine, my family, my future, was only a part of my journey.
I can't say what is right or wrong for you. But I can say that you are an inspiring, thoughtful, loyal friend that I am so happy to have in my life. I think its ok to struggle with these questions and realities that we face and have never been prepared for or expected to face. and maybe that's part of the lesson.
It's hard to stand for our Ms when our Ms no longer exist practically and in the eyes of our WAS.
And that's why we are all here together. To stand together and face this together.
I hope you are feeling better today. I cleaned up the picnic blanket and got some fresh drinks, glasses and updated the playlist. Join me again?
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
