more turtles by my side...

[zig]

thanks ng - and it was not so difficult to turn around back to the picnic today - also because i wasn't so messed up to begin with.

it feels as if sometimes H feels responsible for your feelings or wants you to be responsible for his..


yes ng - he has felt very responsible for my feelings from the beginning, and taken them on as his burden to bear all these years. when they were negative, he took on the martyr role of i have to bear zig's stuff. now they have not been negative for a more than a year - and so instead he tells me all the time how i feel(he told me always before too). well, until 10 days ago when i said in a really serene voice that i would like him to stop doing that.

now he doesn't have me to be martyrish about - he's started being martyrish about the details of the situation he's created for himself. i'm not taking that on, not feeling bad about it, but just seeing it for what it is - slightly crumbling walls - ones he created which are not mine to keep up, nor fix.

my focus is me - definitely - and is becoming more and more so as each day goes by

thanks ng -

zig