I've read those posts by HB a few times. However this time Im understanding, grasping, and really seeing the truth in all of this.
I was just to emotionally traumatized to really grasp it before.Because I've healed and continute to move forward, it seems as I go back and read about MLC everything seems to have some new light and perspective on it. Things are clicking...and it's so nice.
XH is opposite of what he used to be in good ways but in some really nasty ways too. The good ways, he's an involved father now. He does things with the girls that he's never done before or taken the initiative in. This is good. Though we still argue I do see him trying to communicate better with me and putting more thought into his words. But the opposite in a negative way is this insane spewing, anger, and bold face lies! But this is par for the course.
I'm noticing changes in myself where Im opposite of where I was in the marriage. I haven't changed much, but I've changed in the ways that I think I really needed to, in order to start living the fullfilling life I've been praying for.
Im so glad to say that Im really understanding that happiness comes from within and how you perceive the world. As much as I would like to have the joy of sharing my life with someone that loves me, for me, I realize I don't have to be with someone to be happy. Im learning to create my own joy with each passing day.
When I started to learn about co dependency and see how my it's really affected my life and relationships, things started changing for me.
I think the biggest change Im really undergoing is learning that I don't have to fix everything! I don't have to be responsible for everyone's emotions.So many things don't have to be my problem anymore! This is such a relief to me! This doesn't change me into an uncaring person, but perhaps maybe even a more caring person, because Im really understanding that letting go and letting people lead their own way is the best teacher of all. A person really has to care about others when they let them go to learn for themselves, instead of suffocating them.
Another opposite of me is standing up to XH when all I did was stand down. I had poor boundaries, and allowed him and many other people to overstep them. The last few arguments I've had with XH never would've happened if he were still here, because I would've bought his gaslighting hook, line and sinker and not even say a word and just let him have his way... to try and please him in hopes of him just tossing me some crumbs.
Im learning self respect and loving myself in a healthy way. I now see I lost all self respect I had for myself through the years.
