Where do I go from here?

[Hopeful84]

It has been a pretty draining week, so glad it is the weekend. I threw myself into work this week, and didn't talk to or see my husband that much. I researched possibly getting my own apartment, which seemed feasible, but just learned that my husband will be losing his job in a few months, so financially it would not be in my best interest to add more to the debt load.

He has spent the night at the OWs house all this week, so it has been easier not having to see him leave. One day I was home when he was leaving, and he hated leaving, but in the end he still left. I am coming to terms that my husband is in love with someone else, and maintaining distance.

He received his medical retirement package from the Army, the Army offered him 80 percent, and the VA offered him 90 percent. He asked for my opinion on what he should do, and I made sure he made a decision based on him and nothing else, and told him for him to do what he felt was best. He will sign the Army 80 percent package on July 31st. This means within the next 3-6 months he will be out of the Army and jobless. We will lose our money for the house that we get from the military, so things will be tight until he starts to use his GI Bill to go to school. So a lot of changes ahead. As part of the military retirement, I will get a healthcare package option, to retain my military id card benefits and he continues to want to support me in that way, although that isn't everything to me. He is very loving and sweet when he is around me, and begs me not to leave him or divorce him, thats not what he wants. I told him I just need time to myself and space. I just typed up a weekly schedule for my weight loss program, its a 90 day exercise routine with a menu attached to it, so that will be pretty consuming and accomplish my goal setting and taking care of me needs. He wants to go paint shopping for the house this weekend, but I still have mixed feelings. Anytime he brings up the OW, I stop him and ask him not to talk about it. He says he is starting to realize she is not his forever person, and I tell him I hope he finds his forever person one day, and then he looks at me all sad, like I should know that I am his forever person. We can't really afford a divorce, and he isn't doing anything to file papers, so its in my best interest to just focus on me and try to learn how to be separated I suppose. He still wants to kiss me and hold me, and thats confusing. I tell him he can't do that, and he doesn't understand. I am taking more time for myself, more bubble baths and more book reading on affairs. I think my husband has issues, honestly, and does need professional help. We are little past 6 months, so don't want to give up yet, but it gets discouraging sometimes. I wish his actions would match his words, but they don't, and thats where I am starting to put up walls to move forward. To be his friend, but not his wife right now. I am trying to be more social, although I don't really want to date, because I am not that way, but looking to make new friends in the city to take my mind off of this consuming rain cloud. Hope everyone is having a good weekend so far.