How Should I respond to her advances

[Arsene]

Good stuff Roughenough,

Fearing that the WAS will assume you've given up is a frequent issue. PARTICULARLY if one of their complaints was that you didn't spend enough time with them. It feels like you should 180 that and start trying to spend more time with them NOW. But that doesn't work. It's all pursuit and pursuit will NOT bring your W back.

If you've told your W that you want to save the marriage, and she's not deaf, she heard you, and you don't need to keep proving it over and over again. That's a hard message to accept for all of us, but it's true. They will be MORE interested in you the less you appear to be interested in them.

If your W is making overtures, however, you don't want to discourage her. If she's reaching out, don't shut her down. The general rule I like to follow is "don't escalate". If she wants to make small talk, make small talk, but DON'T start relationship talk. If she hugs you, hug her back, but don't kiss her or say "I love you". If she says "I love you", say "I love you" back, but don't add anything about what you want.

All you can do is mirror, but you can't kick it up a notch. Kicking it up will scare them away.


Accuray

Wow, I guess I'm really screwing up majorly. Here are some of the things which have happened since i got back from my trip.

1. I've been kind to her as much as possible.
2. I often touch her, like I used to (fixing her hair, hand on the shoulder when she's at the computer, hand on the cheek when looking at her, etc...)
3. I offered to help her on the computer with some of her work and in exchange, I asked her to give me singing lesson.
4. I always make sure that our encounters are positive and that there is laughter.
5. In answer to a question she asked, the subject came on to my personal journey since she left and I expressed to her how I though I understood the transformation she was going through and as I was explaining what I understood she grabbed my hand and held it firmly, caressing my fingers with her thumb(lovingly?? compassionately??) and later, I heard her cry (as I was in another room crying silently myself).

One of the things about our separation is that she always felt critisises and judged and she was often tense in fear of letting me down so I figures that a 180 could be to make sure that our time together is always pleasant and cheerful. It 's very uplifting for me but now I can imagine how it might be seen as pursuing. Should ii simply stop doing all of this? What about the promise to help her in exchange for singing lessons?