How Should I respond to her advances

[Arsene]

I've been reaidng roughenough's sitch and it mirrors my own in many ways. On thing that i read there was written by Accuracy

"I saw your post on the piecing forum. Reading your thread I haven't seen what your W's complaints about you were or the reason she gave for wanting to separate. What were they? What's her side of this?

Did you two come up with a "separation agreement" that spells out if you'll date other people or not, if you'll expose them to the kids or not, etc. etc.? There's a book that I believe is called "Controlled Separation" that provides guidance on how to manage separation, may be worth a read."

The things is, my wife left me through email and we didn't really talk about much. In the end, one thing she told me was that she had always been afraid to let me down so she was doing it now, letting me down. She also said that this was the only way she was able to do this. We'd been going through troubles for 2 years and every time she's wanted to leave in the past, I'd somehow convinced her to wait a bit, saying that if she wasn't sure yet, she could always stay now and leave later.

So now, I don't know exactly what kind of seperation this is. And although the issues of anger, constant critisism and guilt trips have come up, she didn't spell out anything else. She did tell me that she didn't want a divorce but other than that, there was no limits set, time or otherwise. I felt like it should be addressed but I'm not sure if i should bring it up or wait for her. I'm afraid of what I'm going to hear. I feel like if I try to put up restrictions or boundaries, she'll take it as me trying to control her and take another step away from me. I also don't want to push her in a R discussion because she usually pulls away and becomes "Mr Hyde" during those.

I've tried to get my hands on DB/DR but we live in a developing country and things don't usually get shipped here that easily so i just asked a friend who's travelling to Singapore to look for them as well as the other one I read about in here called :love must be tough.

I get ups and downs but lately, it's been down.

Since I've been back I get a lot of signals but they might be compassion, guilt and feeling sorry for me rather than love oriented. I decided to take a period of "no contact" and took off alone for a few days to give W and D8 some time alone together.

My big 180 was to start meditating and learning to control my anger. I have been doing this since the bomb drop 2 months ago and I've (and D8) noticed huge changes in my personality. I haven't gotten angry since and i always speak calmly. I also stopped critisising everything others do (including my D8 and W) and never point out their mistakes negatively or make them feel guilty for not reaching my expectation. Heck, i even stop having expectations (somehow) and a big one is that I also don't put too much weight on finance like I used to do. In fact, my decision to become a musician instead of going back to a very well paying job chocked my wife but I'm not sure it was in a good way. The thing is, now it puts that extra burden on her to contribute not only to her own living arrangements (which she had been taking care of since she left), but to her daughter's who will be living with me.

Other than that, I'm not sure what to do.