Won't, Might I suggest that your W is disrespecting you BIG TIME right now. You are her back up plan... that can't make you feel too great. But you are allowing her to behave this way, and by allowing this, you're rolling over so to speak and she is losing respect for you by the minute. She is having her cake and eating it too, and you are enabling her to do that.
Once you stand up to her and show her you won't tolerate this, she may change her tune. No guarantees - she may be fully in the throes of the OM in which case she won't care (at least not right now). But why should you tolerate her blatantly offensive behavior? Is that the marriage you want?
Also, it may help you to try to figure out why she got involved with this other guy in the first place. Was there something lacking in your marriage that she is getting from him? If so, is it something you can change? I'd try to focus on that for a while.
Right. You CANNOT be the "backup plan". It is because you where disposable enough to do this before, and you will be disposable enough for her to do this again.
Let her go on and the affair take its course. Cut off contact and GAL hard like your life depends upon it. It is going to be curious "now that you have nothing to lie about, why did you have an affair on me?. What was it that you where missing?".
