I wouldn't over think your next response -- keep it light. No need to validate her 9 month timeline either. If she wants to move back in before that she will.
I don't know why you're discouraged by that response -- I read nothing in that where she was pushing you away. She's saying "let's take the next several months and figure things out". That's a positive if there ever was one. Better than "I hope you can learn to accept that I'm not coming back". Many people here get that message.
I read her response as overall positive. Keep doing what you're doing and focus on GAL. No more R talk in your response, you already put it out there. For now stick to business and logistics. Make her wonder how you interpreted her response, don't tee it up
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
MrBond, it’s making sense now. I know I was told to do things for ME, easier said than done sometimes. I am glad you brought it to my attention because I think you helped me realize that I am overlooking that piece. I also thought about Accuray’s comments about the email from W not being negative, your right! I’ve been told that having patience is critically important. I guess I was a bit taken back by the timeline but that can always change and there’s never any guarantee’s. Reflecting on things, it could’ve been worse! Sometimes I just don’t see these things in clarity without the help from others.
I also took the advice and didn’t respond to the last email from W. All of you gave me the impression that a response wasn’t important. I agree and I think that was a great idea.
A couple other recent developments-
I met with a financial advisor, WOW, what an eye opener. That was a much needed meeting!!!
I’ve also been going back and forth on my living situation. Well, I did a lot of work on my budget and it looks like I will be able to remain in the house and stay within a decent budget. I can’t guarantee it will be a long term thing but I know I will be living there for the time being, which is great. It will also allow me to keep my awesome Labrador!!! I am soooo happy about this.
Glad you get to keep your dog. Im kind of in the same shoes as you, im thinking of taking a 2nd job...the money would be nice and I have alot of business debt to pay off, but mostly it would be so i'd have more time occupied. I play golf, read, and coach my sons youth team, and still seem to have too many hours in the day to sit and think about it all. Keep pressing forward.
This is such as beautiful, insightful analogy Accuracy. You hit it right on and brought tears to me eyes. You've named yourself very well.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
"On another note, I still question if my W has had an affair, I have no proof and it does no good to worry about it. I think there’s a good chance she has but who knows. Since she took her ring off and decided to separate and go to bars every now and then, I just feel it’s a matter of time before there’s OM in the sitch. In a way I am preparing myself for the worst because it just feels and seems imminent. "
I know exactly how you feel, being in the same situation. It seems that I see or hear signs of OM whenever she says or does something. The way she avoids looking at me sometimes or little innocent things she says which don't sound like her. The new ring she started wearing on her middle finger which looks a lot like a wedding ring (but not mine). The thing is, I keep telling myself that OM wouldn't be the worst. In my book the worst has already happened. She left me. My family is broken. OM is just a possible symptom of this. Looking at it this way, I figure things can only get better. There are three possible outcomes. 1. I GAL and eventually get over her - I don't like this one but I figure that if I make it there my opinion will have to have changed. 2. We remain good friends and manage to provide a decent family life for our D8 - I'm not sure I'm crazy about this one either but it's still positive and better than where we are now. 3. We move past our broken marriage and rebuild healthy relationship which eventually leads to us behng together again as a family. - This is by far my favorite
When you've come so low, the only way left is up.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Arsene- Thank you for reading my thread, I read yours as well. Your absolutely right about accuray’s analogy. It’s fantastic, I’ve read it multiple times.
Jannie,
I feel for you. You’ve been married a long time, I can’t even imagine. I am soooo sorry. I am really glad you found this site. Hopefully it will be as valuable to you as it has for me. IMO, you’ve come to the right spot. If you had a chance to read my sitch, I’ve received some amazing feedback that’s helped me tremendously. As you might have already been told, just post regularly and maybe post on one or two other threads and input will start coming.
I wish both of you the best in this difficult time we are going through.
