more turtles by my side...

[zig]

so starsky - did your wife acknowledge that she was cheating on you?

because my h has this brilliant notion that since he announced that we are "officially separated" that means he's not cheating on me at all!!



Be happy that he's cheating on you???!!! What am I missing here?


i meant ACT AS IF - i'm happy period. happy with being friends. accepting that this is what he wants in his life right now


What kind of friend cheats upon the other, and then is filled with deceit about the whole thing?

no friend of mine - and that's how i've felt from the beginning.

HOW DO I - make it safe for him to return - if i am judgmental about what he is doing currently?

frankly, you guys are over-reacting a bit.
sd - i wasn't getting worked up over it by any means - sorry i gave that impression

i wasn't obsessed in any way about his coming or not coming over - in fact - i'm not expecting him to. i'm thinking he's avoiding me as he has all week and will probably do something along the lines of getting mil or fil to drop s's things off.

my advice from joann has been quite different - allow him to make mistakes with me, let go of all resistance to the sitch, make a full life of my own but mostly be friendly and welcoming. don't think of ow as important,allow him to come closer.

i like what you said to your wife - that's what i would like to say to h. but he preempts me on everything - like he's doing the db'ing first!!

i'm glad we are having this discussion - i admit i'm a bit confused about how to act - with all this conflicting advice, and that i may not have got it completely here.

but frankly after the spewing from monday to wednesday, total silence after that - i'm not expecting anything at all. the guy is struggling - he can't be near me without remembering what happened and the vibes between us - he's avoiding the heck out of me this week. and i'm not upset about it - i'm almost amused.

dropping the rope, to me , means dropping ALL resistance to every part of what's going on - and that's acceptance too - how do you do that while your'e still making conditions about whether or not they are with the OP?

or am i totally interpreting that incorrectly?

thanks all of you and i agree with everything you say also - i want to explore this more so that i am more clearly defined on this for myself

zig