Ok, first things first. I have started taking cold showers recently and I can honestly say they are amazing! I admit, it's not something I actually look forward to, but I am so loving the after effects. I have so much more balance, energy, clarity, stability and my skin feels great. Also, I used to always be cold - hands and feet kind of thing. Now none of that. I actually feel warm most of the day. Truly wonderful effects it's having. I highly recommend. I've not had to take Rhodio Rosea at all as a further result.
Ok, onto other news...
H texted me at 6AM - get this - to ask me out on a date! He asked if I'd like to go to a cooking course. I loved the idea and said yes.
Still, I'm liking my independence and my own space - and feel I have much developing on a personal level I want to do.
I have to say this Bill - because I meant to say it and didn't get around to it. During our 2-day-summit-talks in Greece, your advice kept ringing in my ears of, "Don't worry about the R talk. Whatever happens, his actions are already saying what he wants IMO." So, thank you for your wise words.
Now, hopefully, I can return the favor:
You know Bill, one of the things that kept me sane and motivated during this difficult time is to not let the OW win this. I know, sounds childish and everything, BUT - I wanted our R to stand or fall on its own merits and not because some other person was involved. Now, I haven't had outright proof that there was an OW just yet, but all the signs were pointing at there being something. Similar to your W, it isn't clear cut but there is something that you are sniffing. Listen to your gut. For me, I even had a dream on the first night we were back together in Greece of the OW, that nothing had physically happened (some EA of sorts), and that it was what had interrupted things. I had mentioned my dream to H, and of course he didn't say anything one way or another, but I could see the look on his face, and the near perceptible gulp. I didn't flip out, but I let it be known that I was aware.
Also, I had an attitude of 'What do I have to lose?' The DB techniques are excellent for a quick pull back and bringing things back onto safe, workable ground, but I think there are other books that cover the next stage. I haven't discovered them, so I just had to use my own gut instinct thereafter. Gut instinct told me I would be fine either way, that I have nothing to lose, I can hold my own, and my strength is my biggest asset. In short, I remembered who I was before my M.
I strongly recommend you do the same. Whatever/whoever you were before your M, be that person again. It's really who you are that will get you what you want, and allow you to want what you get.
Sure, I've put on a few pounds since my H and I first met (not many mind you!!), but enough for me to be uncomfortable with myself over the years - about 15 pounds give or take. Its the same 15 pounds I've been battling with for a number of years now. Sometimes they come, sometimes they go. In Greece though, none of that mattered suddenly. I felt free of my own insecurities. I was so completely comfortable in my skin, and in my bikini. And you know, I even appreciated my cellulite - loving being a woman in every sense and all that that entails. Bottom line, the most attractive trait in anyone - man or woman - is being who they are and being totally loving and accepting of one's self. That is what I discovered.
So, where do you get your confidence? I'm telling you, be yourself and let the chips fall where they might - that's confidence. In fact, you might be surprised.
So, if you want to stand your ground and move out because that is what you would have done before your M, that's exactly what you do.
These ditches have a way of knocking our confidence right down to the ground, and it's an opportunity to rebuild it from the ground up and putting in place exactly what you want and how you want it.
