I am a new member and also new to separation. I need help in getting my family of 10 years back together. My fault is that I work very long hours (16+ hours a day), and it made me believe that I was a great husband and a great dad because I was providing for all economic needs for my family. I do consider my self to be a family man, but I did not pay attention to what my wife was telling all these last years. He wanted her husband back, and all I saw was nagging, pressuring and dissapointment. I used to think "what is going on with her, I am working as much as I can so she doesn't have to do it, and for the kids to be ok". Now, I was so sure she would never leave me, because she professed her love to me everyday but everything changed when she bumbped with a female friend she had not seen in many, many years. They started talking to each other and eventually my wife changed her attitute, she started to come home really late and eventually not coming home at all. During that time she met another person thru her friend and they started seen each other. I moved out of the house on 6-4-12, and thanks to the Lord I found the Divorce Remedy book, which I have used in staying calm, and under control to about 75% to 80% of my capabilities.
We started talking once again about 1 month ago and everything was just about real simple stuff. Everything started getting better to the point that she started making more efforts to communicate. We have been intimate in 3 occassions since the separation, but that has stopped already and the communication we had has been diminished to still a coordial talks, but now I can sense she is been pulling out.
I try not to talk about us or a reconciliation, but she is the one who brings that up a lot everytime we see each other. She tells me she "needs to fix this situation" because she can not live like this. She constantly tells me that she is scared if she comes back, I will go back to my old ways. When that happens I try not say anything, but the only thing that I say once is "I am not here to hurt you anymore, I know you do not believe me, but I am not going to try to convince you otherwise".
She knows she has my support on everything, she or the kids need. She was trying to find a job, and was feeling desperate about it, I offered to help and she said it was ok. We found a job for her last week and she has been going to trinning. We have seen each other this week almost everyda since her work is just blocks away from were I work. Everyday she has told me she needs to fix this situation, and decice if she is going to be with me. When she tells me that I sometimes do try to make her see that it will be the best decision for all of us. I know I should not be taking advantage of that, because it is just causing her to pull away, but I wish I have the words to let her know it is ok, but without beeing pushy, needy or desperate. Please, I need advice.
I have two boys, a 17 year old, who has been more affected than any of us and a 13 year old who has been affected but do not really understands what is going on. I need to say, they are no my biological kids, but I have been with them for 10 years, and any body who says they are not my kids is wrong. I would do anything for them.
Well, there is still a lot more to tell, but for the meantime it will give you guys an idea of my situation. Please, any help or suggestions are greatly appreciated.
