this is so difficult to balance - just focus on being friends - well then if i'm being friends - wouldn't it be natural for me to be happy for him?
Be happy that he's cheating on you???!!! What am I missing here?
I don't believe in the whole "friends" thing. Be friend-LY, yes -- civil, courteous, respectful -- like you would treat a workmate who was staying at your house for a few weeks. But not BFF, no way.
I told my wife, when she was still wayward, that I needed to be clear about something: if she decided to end our marriage this way -- by cheating on me and lying to everyone (including our own family) about it -- that we would NEVER be friends. We would work together as civil co-parents, but that would be it. If, however, she decided to end her affair, and come back and work on the marriage with me for a period of time (say, a year), and if after that time we just decided it wasn't working, then yes I could see us remaining friends even in divorce.
When my wife and I reconciled after her infidelity, she told me that there were two things that were the primary influence on her deciding to end her affair: the disapproval of her mother and our adult daughters; and losing me as her best friend. She said something like "As strange as it sounds, I was more prepared to lose you as my husband, than I was to lose you as my best friend."
What kind of friend cheats upon the other, and then is filled with deceit about the whole thing?
