Stand up. Poor and tired, but more than this.

[LIO]

Wow.... I just spoke with someone who had the voice of my husband if he were talking to a rude telemarketer. Gah. He was being incredibly secretive, vague and telling me that nothing he does was any of my business... (okay...? What is this from?) But not even this morning he was being nice and semi-talkative. I can't tell if the nice is him, or if it's because he's really using me and this house because S is here every single day/night (H's choice). He yelled that he would take S and I wasn't giving S to him (I told him as recent as Monday he needed to start coming to get S and leave the house and H didn't do that at all). Then as I said 'you want to TAKE HIM? Take him? How do you mean?' because I wasn't sure what he meant... And click, hung up on.

So sounds like another night at a bar (with a younger coworker, male I guess, don't know without seeing the person and it's a gender neutral name). He feels the need to be so secretive and lying, I don't get it. He would always tell me he was going out with x person, and I said "okay, have fun, see ya when you get home." Never said no. He'd call during the time too. Such an alien experience right now.

Funny thing is that just a few years ago, he used to laugh at his 'older' coworkers who would try to be cool and hang with the mid 20ish crowd. They would be eyeing the younger ladies they worked with, flirting shamelessly, and... have affairs. He thought it was all ridiculous how they were acting. I asked him what kind of work place this was that this was so acceptable at (I work with 85% women).

Heard the same old thing: "I'm trying to get a divorce, and you won't let me move on." Me thinking: Umm... okay. You let the paperwork expire, I'm not showing up at the house every day at 6 am and using my son as a way to say what I want. I'm not using your shower, your washer, your fridge, your food, your couch. I honestly can't even get into this on here any more because I don't see the point. It's arguing with a record player.

I'm trying to be indifferent... and I don't know how. I admit I am fired up because I had to a HUGE 180 for me. He hung up and I DID NOT call him back. I turned off my phone so I don't text (not gonna happen) and I won't call nor answer any calls.

So questions:
How to be indifferent.
Is me going dark when H's over here every single day punishing? Bolt the main door and make him ring every morning?... I avoided doing that because I wanted to keep the road paved and clear. Have S ready at 6 and say 'here you go have fun at dad's place' and force it? I am not wanting to be too reactive right now, but I know I am (one of my 180's I'm TRYING to work on). I wanted to keep the road paved, but fight the urge to sledgehammer it to the point of no return. So I'm posting first before doing...



Two bright notes: a couple of coworkers noticed my weight loss (7 lbs in the last week + 20 pounds (stress) in the last 5 months) and said I was looking good and that if I continued I'd be too thin (not true! but nice to hear).

I have been running with a couple other coworkers on Wednesdays. I am trying to get my 5k times down, and had a great training session today and hit my pace of trying to get to 9:30 pace (from my 13:30 usual time) for 2 laps. Now just need to keep adding 1 lap at a time to get it to a mile!