Hey man. Let's pretend for that my wife and I both feel horrible over the way this whole thing was handled. How's that?
Of course it made me angry. Of course I was very hurt. Most people would be hurt when they find their spouse has hidden something so intamate and so personal for a year. And. It still hurts just a bit even to talk or type about it now. It's something I gave never shared with anyone. Ever.
I included it as part of our story here because I think it's the most obvious place to start. It's where out imtamscy issues began
But I have let go of it and I have forgiven her.
"my way" of approaching this issue has been what else was suggested here just a few post ago in this thread. That we seek another doctor who is willing to work with us and not just say "everything looks ok". My wife's only response has been to do nothing. Should I make dr appts and FORCE her to go? I have told her I am willing to do whatever she wants to move forward on this issue. At what point is she accountable for doing nothing at all?
Whoa. I think we all get that you're angry and hurt about your wife not feeling comfortable trusting you with this, but what about her feelings? If you were no longer able to get an erection, do you think you'd just be fine talking about it? Or do you think you'd feel embarrassed? Less of a man? Less of a husband? And regardless what your answer is, your wife is a different person. Try to see it from her perspective...stop focusing on your hurt and look at hers.
I've been a pretty selfish person most of my life, so I'm only saying this because I see a lot of my old thoughts in your messages.
Oh, and I will add one thing to what Mach said about forgiveness. I don't know where I read it, but the saying was "forgiveness is a gift you give yourself." That's really true. Once you truly forgive, you let go of that pain and frustration. I have done that part, and it is truly a different world on the other side. Give yourself that gift if you haven't already.
