I'm a new person

[2chiquitos]

I had to step away for a couple days and really let it sink in. I get it. I keep obsessing about H. By doing so, I'm not focusing on myself. I know it sounds easy, but I have seriously internalized this.

Another thing that also made me think. I have to stop wallowing in self-pity. Why should I be felt sorry for? I took the house keys away from him after I discovered the affair. Gave them back a few mos later. Took them away again when I found out he was still seeing her. Lock the house doors so that he can't get in when I'm not there.

I encourage him to come over often. Then when I discovered he's still seeing her I ran away to see my family in Texas. Then I came back and had him come over more often. Then last month I had him come over less cuz he's still seeing OW.

I'm also playing the game. I'm not a victim or a doormat. I have to stop. Stop pushing and pulling and just let go of the sitch! I'm probably tiring HIM out when I think it's the other way around.

My NEW & IMPROVED GOALS:
1- work on my anger!!!
2- stop obsessing about H
3- work on thought stopping (the affair)
4- BE PATIENT!!

This week I was the leader at my Al Anon meeting. My topic was on blaming. I blame everyone for my anger but my own d@mn self! IT'S MY FAULT I KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT THE AFFAIR! I CONTINUED TALKING TO OW FOR 2WEEKS ALMOST EVERYDAY GETTING INFO OUT OF HER. IT'S MY FAULT I KNOW HER SO WELL! IT'S MY FAULT FOR CONFRONTING HER! I SHOULD HAVE NEVER NEVER DONE THAT! IT MADE ME LOOK LIKE ANOTHER PERSON! I SHOULD HAVE NEVER SNOOPED! IT ADDED MORE GUILT TO Hs CONSCIENCE!

I need to PRAY, MEDITATE, WRITE, TALK, READ to get all this ugliness (anger, resentment,etc) out of me!