No, we haven't reconciled. However, I told him that when I return from my trip in five weeks, I want him to think about us living together again because this arrangement is not working for me and I won't be able to continue. He seems receptive. We're having dinner together tonight and we spent the past weekend together.
I agree about the house burning down. But what I take away from it is I have positive choices on how to react to negative things that happen. My marriage has, for all practical purposes, burned down. At first, I was devastated. After being on here and reading tons of books and inspirational web sites, like Pema's, I can choose to see the opportunity in the very negative happening in my life.
I read about those always-happy, too. I think that would be just as big a curse as always unhappy.
If choosing to look at the positive were easy, life would be very different for all of us. It's been very hard for me. My mother is a classic narcissist and my father was an alcoholic would left because of divorce when I was five. My mother was also mentally and physically abusive. So, no, it's not easy and I have to make the choice many times a day. Sometimes, I fail.
I think you are absolutely right about my H's motives. He is a sweet man who has tried many times to do things for me and make me happy. I thanked him for all the hard work he put into it. My only problem was really when he became angry with me for not being available for him to share his excitement. Had he re-read the texts, he might have understood my wishes better and maybe I could have been more definite? I did admit that I could have been clearer.
I just can't take anger anymore. I got so much of that in my childhood and from my second husband (an abusive alcoholic) that I've just reached my limit. I don't give anger to others and won't take it. If I hurt your feelings or make you feel unimportant, tell me THAT. Don't scare me with anger.
Know what I mean? Life is too short (and mine's getting very short) for me to accept that a mature adult can't explain feeling rather than lash out.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
