A New Path - I just left my wife

[mamabird]

Just out of curiosity, what would it take for you to accept your W back? I am in a similar situation but I am the W who had a texting affair. Main difference though is that the A meant nothing, it was very short and was only to distract me from my unhappiness/pain and to meet some deep needs for acceptance that my H was not fulfilling. It was over the day my H found out about it.

I have apologized profusely and repeatedly and my H knows I want to try to make it work. He is in a self-protective confused place, like you are. It's too late for me to try anything else so I am currently doing LRT and GAL and working on my own issues and it actually seems to be working for the time being.

So, what could she say or do that would change your mind? I know you really want to get back together with her in your heart but the trust issues are just too deep and painful for you to risk that right now. If she were willing to go to counseling with you, and you could see that she honestly was willing to work on the relationship (drop the OM and the drugs) would that make a difference?

[tpc1977]

I'm meeting with my wife tonight to talk about our future. I don't see it being repaired because she doesn't have the strength - or even the desire - to repair it. It would take a lot. Trust is gone. Honesty is gone. She lied and lied on top of the lies to keep it hidden. Though I sort of knew. Plus their relationship was sexual. How the heck can I get past that? My wife built up so many walls that she started building them for me too.

Right now, I've moved on with very little contact. She has barely contacted me. Once my daughter text me and told me that mommy loved me. I didn't respond. Not sure how to really. Another time I had to go over to pick up my girl and there was my wife naked as heck sweeping the kitchen. I ignored it, walked past and turned on the tv. Whether or not she intended for me to be turned on didn't matter.

Several weeks ago she asked me to come over. We were talking on occasion and stupid me started opening my heart to her again. Big mistake. When she sensed it she started getting comfortable again. Before this she was crying and asking me to come back. After she started talking again about not really knowing what she wanted. One of our last real conversations was her telling me she didn't know what she wanted; me, him, no one. I don't need to be a part of that decision. I'm way more worthy than that. I'm so much more than a number in some equation. So I told her not to include me. Just go get yourself into a better place. Be happy. Then I told her not to worry about me.

[MrBond]

"She lied and lied on top of the lies to keep it hidden."

This is typical. It's nothing new.

"Plus their relationship was sexual. How the heck can I get past that?"

That's up to you. It's not impossible.

So if you're saying that you're done especially because she had sex with another guy, why haven't you filed yet?

[tpc1977]

That's why I'm going over there today. To talk about it. See where she stands and get things in order.

And I know it's not impossible. I just don't know if I have the drive left in me. Three years of it. Every day living in the stress of it. I feel so much weight off me now.

[MrBond]

IMHO,

I would suggest you have a list of what you want. Tell her what they are and that you are not interested in being second fiddle to another many when it comes to your W, take the paperwork and then leave.

Whatever happens. Keep it short and sweet.

[tpc1977]

The conversation immediately moved to her blaming me and how I "used" to be. She cannot seriously take her actions into why I left. It wasn't her sleeping with another many for several years. It was me pushing my family aside emotionally many years ago.

Unfortunately for her she cannot deny the changes in me, my dedication to show and prove to her what she really meant to me. How much my kids mean to me.

I sat there and listened to her spewing blame. And it all boiled down to her not knowing what she wants - who she wants.

I'm basically a choice in her future. I may or may not be a part of what she wants. Well, I took myself out of the equation. I don't want to be a simple choice. I was in her life for 15 years. I shouldn't be an A B or C decision.

She was never a choice in my life. She was a part of me. A part I didn't want to go without. So I changed who I was. I worked hard at becoming what I needed to be and what my family needed me to be.

I'm going to talk to someone tomorrow about finding a good lawyer. I want this legal and I want this quick. The absolute pain is more than I can bare sometime. I feel like something on a shelf in her little world. I'm getting off that shelf because I know I'm way more than a choice.

[Starsky309]

I'm really sorry for your pain, tpc, but I can't say as I disagree with you. Someone once said "Never make someone a priority who considers you a choice," and that's pretty much what you're doing.

Your wife sounds like she has some demons with which to deal, before she will ever be a quality partner for you again. I pray that she gets there -- it DOES happen, and there's no reason why you guys can't potentially reconcile in the future, with better-than-ever results.


Starsky

[tpc1977]

I've lost a lot of hope here recently. And I've been really down in the dumps over many things.

Right now I'm in limbo. I'm staying at a friends place. My diet has suffered. My sleep has. I can't train here. So my world has been shifted on its axis of sorts. I have the biggest race series this year coming up and I am in no way prepared.

And further down the spiral all I want to do is drink. I didn't today. I made myself not, but I have been. It's like a teenager came out of me. I've been going out, staying out. My excuse is, well, I'm not sleeping anyway. It's so not me.

I miss my girls. I miss my house. I miss my dog. I miss my connection to what I was. My routines. I haven't had a home cooked meal in over a month. I eat snack foods because it's easier. I eat out more.

Right now I think I'm just really lonely and depressed. I need a jump start. Something that was never hard for me to do. I could easily get back on track. Now. Nope.

[chatterbug]

You know what buddy. Go another day.

You counter depression with water ( lots and lots of water ) and exercise.

When you want a drink. Leave your wallet at home grab a bottle of poweraid and go for a run.

Each time you think your down in the dumps. Drop and do 5 push up's and 20 sit ups.

Do this over and over.

And get into a routine again.

Go to bed and get up the same time every day. No matter how you feel.

You are suffering from depression.

You have anywhere else to stay ? Family. Good friends who have children ? Friends who exercise and have healthy habits ?

Get yourself into shape mentally.

[chatterbug]

No matter what you do TCP do not give up on yourself. If you get too low. You go to a good friends house and you stay there and have them help you.