Quote:

Boundaries are for you. They should be in place for your protection, not to place restrictions on anyone else. They should be in place to protect your personal emotional space. To limit the amount of pain that another person can inflict onto you.

Before you can put them into place, you really have to know who YOU are ...

What you can allow inside...

What you are willing to tolerate...

What you can, and cannot live with...

Do you know that right now ????


So let's 'breakdown' your boundaries.....

#1- Inform me of evening plans/changes


I may be wrong, yet it appears that you are doing the majority of the Parenting during the evening hours...

Yes ?

If that is the case, then #1 is pretty easy, and actually it should be unspoken...

YOU should be making the plans for the evening. No questions, no BS.

And YOU can communicate to her, what YOUR plans are....

Wife, I am planning dinner for the kids at 5:37pm. After dinner, we are planning on going to Billy Bobs Barber Emporium to learn how to shave a Sasquatch. We should be home around 9. Please let me know if you are planning on joining us.

Wife, I am not planning on being home this evening, I have made plans and should be home around 10.



You aren't being an ass or anything, you are simply taking control of the things that you are already taking care of. The only difference is, that you are showing confidence in YOUR actions.

Be respectful, and tactful when you interact.

So really, there is no boundary to put in place, or enforce...

I was once told that...

Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell, and they look forward to the trip....




Sometimes.....you have to be the change that you want to see...


Mach1, that was very helpful, thank you!!!


lillystillinlove
M:43 H:49
T:17 M:16
S:6
Bomb: 1/27/12 EA+ with close married family friend / ILYBINILWY
H moved out 7/27/12
H is Extremely angry, stressed and unable to forgive