unfortunately since I love my W the fact that she is still with the OM is upsetting to me.
I love my H. He is living with his GF. That is not changing how I'm acting towards him or how I'm living my life. He made the decision to be with her almost 5 months ago. I accepted it. She made the decision to be with him ONE YEAR ago. Accept it. And no, you haven't accepted it or else you wouldn't be changing how you REACT or FEEL based on whether things between them are fizzling or not.
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He is choosing to spend time with me versus him which I take as a plus.
stop framing everything up to have to do with your W and the OM. In fact I would challenge you to not write about the OM or your W's R with him in any post. Forget about, ignore it, etc. You need to refocus your energy on you and rebuilding a FRIENDSHIP with her.
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If things go well with SS on Monday I think I’ll lead in with, “Hope you are doing well, I like SS chances of making the baseball team this year!”
NO! no leading in. no texting her. I'm a single mum again. H is involved in his SS's life. If I felt like a man was using my S to be able to text me about something I would go ballistic. You haven't even spent the time with SS and you're already looking 2 steps ahead to how you can use this as an excuse to text your W. I know you will tell me that's NOT what you're doing. But subconciously you are. Do NOT text her. Enjoy the time with SS regardless of whether W cares or not. If you two never ever reconcile do not play games with this kid. Be in his life consistantly and you will be a wonderful man for that.
Your very text is pursuit. You are pursuing a conversation with her. Don't text her. You two aren't there yet for you to be the first to text and it not be seen as pursuit. Please please please don't text.
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When I speak of the past in my sitch it is always going to show contempt for my wife, I don’t know that I can spin things in any different way. Many screwed up things have happened on both our parts, nothing anybody can do to change that.
Through forgiveness. H hurt me...a lot. There are things I don't even talk about on this board. And things that I did that I'm ashamed of. I've forgiven us both. I look back say I was hurt by his actions because I was feeling abandoned and rejected and I understand now that he wasn't rejecting me or abandoning me he was making decisions he felt was best for the family. He was emotionally unavailable because x, y, and z. Empathy and forgiveness can change the way you see the past. If you decide that you'll always see things a certain way and that you'll just sweep them under the rug because you two or even or you've just "put the past behind you" you'll never heal. I'm not saying you have to have long drawn out discussions but you have to deal with those hurts or they'll eat away with you whether in this R or another.
