On #2, I'm not sure that is a boundary I should set. It is something that is very hurtful to me, and it just adds to the stress of this roller coaster ride, but I don't think I should have to say that. I'm going to think on this one a bit.
If you are uncomfortable laying a boundary, then you are not ready to enforce it....
Simple as that...
Boundaries HAVE to be enforced, or they just become meaningless words ---yet again, from the LBS