3) Last night, we talked a long time about her issues. Ultimately, she feels trapped. She feels controlled. She doesn't have the desire to try right now. She isn't saying she doesn't want to be with me, or work things out, she just desperately needs some space to work thru her own issues and see if she feels differently about our past. I get that, and I do agree....but I asked if there wasn't some other option that would allow her to get her space (i.e. in house separation, every other week w/o divorce). I think this probably seems like pursuing, but I really worry about the damage we might be doing to the kids just so she can figure out what she wants. Thoughts?
I think that you should rest on this for a couple days. Then read your own words again, and see if you have a different view of them.
She is telling you that she feels controlled....
Is she ?
I have been thinking about this for a few days and again, my comments are made with the "fixer" mentality, and by trying to fix it, I'm trying to control it. I actually think I've noticed this when I'm talking, I just justify it by saying it's about the kids, or it has to be said, or something else. This is an extremely bad habit now that I look at it, and given my other behaviors regarding insecurity and not trusting, this is probably seen as more of the same in my W's eyes. No wonder she feels controlled....when she says "hey, I'm feeling controlled," I respond by saying "I have a fix for that, do this instead." Doh!
