From my own experience I found that my H tried to push my buttons to draw me into an argument (and I'm mind reading here) so that he could use it to add to his justifications as to why he left. I admit that before I found this site and learned about MLC, I fell right into it a couple times.
You keeping calm or being nice and not reacting takes some of the wind out of his sails on that count and can cause even more spewing, because basically you gave him nothing.
MLCer's have expectations too, that's why a 180 on the LBS's part is effective.
