yesterday, h texted me that he was going to try to get things lined up for me to get a new car, for today or early friday morning.
we are selling a piece of property and since i've sold my car, i don't have one for my trip to my sister's that i've been planning. i wanted to get up there in time for a festival this weekend.
our closing on the property has been moved several times but is scheduled for today at 4pm. i will have to do banking to get all the funds available without a "hold" put on them.
H and i had discussed moving other money around to buy the car and not having to wait for the closing but it would have involved a lot of effort and penalties for balances going below the minium.
so, when he texted me yesterday, i texted back that i just didn't want us to have that added stress of moving money, getting the dealership lined up, rushing, etc. i said i was really fine with not going to the festival and would have lots of time for other events.
he had asked me to be ready to help him with it but when i said i'd rather wait, "if that's ok with you?", he said ok.
well, my H is an A-type personality and really pushes ahead with his agenda and solves problems. he got the dealership to get him the pricing he wanted and faxed to him. then he emailed it to me but when he called, i was not available.
when i called him back about 90 mins. later, i could tell he was miffed about not being about to reach me.
he then texted me, "never mind, SS".
i see this as him forging ahead and not regarding my desires and then gettting angry at me for not being available.
i texted him that i can't take anger from people now and that i hadn't done anything wrong. i said perhaps i didn't make myself clear enough that i wanted to wait until after we had the closing and i had that money in hand.
he texted back that perhaps he didn't make it clear enough that he wanted my help and needed me to be available and that he was excited with the pricing he got and wanted to talk about it with me. he said he felt "lost" when he couldn't and then "came down" off of his high.
several things i see here, some positive, some not so.
first, i don't think he really listened to what i said after he indicated he wanted me to be available. i think this has been one of our problems in our M. it's his way and i'm supposed to be his support system and to follow orders (he's a manager at work).
secondly, he at least admitted his FEELINGS and stepped back from anger. to me, that's a good thing. however, he mentioned again that maybe HE hadn't made it clear enough that he wanted me to be available and ignored the fact that my desire to wait came after that.
lastly, it was very kind and thoughtful of him to try to make this happen for me so i could get to my sister's in time for the festival.
so, my problem is:
i think he gets excited about something and goes full steam ahead, reguardless of what my wishes are. is there a better way for me to make myself heard?
when i experience something like this with him, it really makes me wonder if he and i would be able to make a R work in the future. i've pretty much been living the life he wants and supporting his choices and desires but now i'm wanting things that are different than what he wants and i think it feels like betrayal to him (he's mentioned that these things are "broken promises").
i wonder how to effect compromise and sharing with someone who has had my devotion to their goals for 15 years? also, how to get him to accept that people change and with those changes, come changes in goals and desires.
hope i'v made this clear...i seem to be having problems in that area!
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
