If She Won't Stop the Affair?

[too trusting]

25mlc - where's the "like" button?

Starsky too.

good advice from both of you.

and CB - I understand that your advice might make WS feel good at the time, and feel that he is "not taking any nonsense".
but I cannot see it having any positive *longterm* effect on their marriage.

If she wants to act like a teenage girl then you will treat her as one.

And with her not coming home to swim with the kids....

You go to her first and you say.

You will now go to the kitchen and apologize for standing up two very disappointed children. ...

Wife. You are the one who did not meet their commitment. You own this. You apologize.

so treating her as a teenager is going to make her leave OM? it will probably make her run to him more! because OM makes her feel good, and her husband makes her feel lousy.

in fact, I can't see this type of treatment working with teenagers either for any type of misbehavior. talking down to them, ordering them around - that is not what will bring cooperation.

and here we are not talking about parent-to-child but one spouse to another, and talking down to her is not going to make her cooperate - it will make her resentful.

Starsky's advice about boundaries vs ultimatums, and 25mlc's advice in general, makes a lot more sense in the long run, especially if the goal is to induce her to leave OM and rebuild the marriage.

DB is not about *forcing* the spouse to cooperate. it is about making yourself the better choice.