Needing some guidance... 5

[25yearsmlc]

jks

for my MIL, it was her weakness, not control. She was a weak woman in her way (though hard working, I'll give her that). She simply could not say a word to either of her sons about what they did wrong. It was always the wife's fault, the bosses, the teachers, etc...even when she DID believe her son's had erred, she just could not tell them "no".

I did not expect sympathy from her but I DID expect her to reach out to our kids...our girls were still at home and got NO phone calls from her in 2 years...

close to being unforgivable, yet when she got cancer, we went to her and cared for her til she died. I'm glad about that.

Anyhow, ONE suggestion about getting thru the toughest times...

something that worked FOR ME anyhow...was an exercise from Marianne Williamson's book "Return to Love" --Or her book "Gift of Change" or "Handling Anger and Fear" b/c I read all of her stuff.

She's new agey for some but I like her and

her exercises on letting go and moving forward in a positive way, resonated with me.

(Sorry if I already told you this but I forget who I posted this too before)
ANYHOW

So I'd literally pray out loud in the shower (so my kids didn't think I was nuts)

and I'd tell God I was turning my marriage/anger/pain, over to HIM.

(You can turn OW over to Him too...) It's ALL beyond your control anyhow.

Thinking about releasing it to HiM, saying it out loud, and hearing yourself say it

all helps it sink in. Helps it become real.

When I expected my h to call, I'd do it sometimes 100 times before his call. It always soothed me b/c it was "out of my hands" so there was nothing for me to fight about or fight for, AND I felt like I could relax a bit.

I didn't have to win every conversation...i Just had to not fight in them...I just had to be pleasant, warm but not overly interested, etc.

At one point my DB coach told me to "listen like a lover" when h shared work concerns or other things on his mind (obviously would not apply to OW)

and I tried hard to do that. I did NOT think I could and sometimes I wondered if I should. But I trusted her a lot.

It surprised me how fast he positively reacted. he began calling me daily. Sometimes more than that

and that's after days or weeks of no contact, often none to the kids too.

And this was an INVOLVED father before he left. He was into it. Playing with them nurtured him and still does

but there's a wall that wasn't there before, with our oldest d. They are working on it and it IS better.

Anyhow, thought I'd pass that on.

If he still talks about wanting to end things with OW, expresses feelings for you, imagine, for a second, how insecure she must feel about it? Gee...too bad...


Still, Regardless of what you want, I think presenting around him without all the anger is truly honestly 100% in YOUR interest, not to mention the marriage.

I'm talking even if you never reconcile. The anger does NOT HELP YOU. It can consume you and make you bitter.

It is not your friend.



Never forget you are the mother of his children, and you are now returning to a better version of who he fell in love with.

Of course he's confused and wondering.

The question is, where are YOU going to be when he gets out of his daze?

GAL for sure...

can you tell us ONE thing new you'll join or do, THIS MONTH?

A club, class, seminar, sport, event, concert, group, meeting, that you will commit to doing THIS MONTH...

I'm telling you this for sure. The reason we hammer the "GAL!!" So much

is b/c it works. It just does. The hardest part is overcoming the inertia you feel-

but you will never ever regret stretching and getting out there and GAL.

((( )))