My story sounds similar to others on this forum. I've been M for 4yrs this August and have been together 5yrs. We have two S together, one is from W previous relationship. This Feburary she told me she wanted to seperate because there was too much negativety in the house and she wasn't happy anymore. That I was pushing her away for the last two years. She then changed password to her email and Facebook. I started giving her space, I was sleeping on the couch for 3 week. I started changing doing everything I could do be the H she wanted. Soon after I found a MC and I went first, then W went to two session together. W decided not to go anymore because she felt uncomfortable with MC and felt MC was on my side, which is odd since MC told us that all of the problems were casued by me. From there I read DB, but really didn't apply the techniques, I just tried to do everything possible to make her happy. I would get a day where I felt we were making progress and then the next day W would be cold and distant, this has been going on for three months now. I would talk to W about our R, she would tell me that she is trying, which I feel she hasn't put in 100% effort. W then told me ILYBNILWY and she would need to fall in love with me again. I just get mixed signal becuase during this intinal turmoil she wanted to book a family vacation which we did for this July. W since Februray hasn't willing kissed me on the lips she just turns her face so that I kiss her on her cheek instead. Also our intimacy has been declining, it feels like we are just serving a need and not connecting which I hate. But then W has continued to be talkative to me when I get home and on the weekends, telling me about her day, work, and upcoming family events which confuses me how she can be this way. I just recently found another MC for us to go see, but W doesn;t want to go. So I went by myself, after explaining to the MC my situtation she suggested I serperate from her, which I dont feel like doing. I also want to note that during this whole time she hasn;t worn her wedding ring, and I just recently took mines off. Just didn't want to remind myself of our marriage that is in turmoil. So since Father's Day I started doing the 180 technique, like not doing everything for her and I have notice a slight change in her, altough W is still talkative to me, I know she wants to tell me about her day, just dont know if I should continue being talkative back? So far I've just been listening to her, making some eye contact when she talks, and just adding enough to her conversation so that she doesn't feel like I'm cold/distant. In my heart I know we can make it work, I have just started changing to protect myself from feeling hurt and getting back some of the power I've giving to her.
Be aware of the "pursuer and distancer" dynamic. With this knowledge, you can make one who is wanting to be more distant to come toward you. It is accomplished exactly the opposite of what is going to be intuitive...
