I don't know where I am in the grieving process....it changes by the minute. Don't get me wrong, its not so much him I want back, but rather its the security of knowing that someone cares, and wants you.
Right now there many things beyond my control...I'm still looking for another teaching job, and that has me scared witless. My mother had a heart attack last Friday, and the list goes on and on....I feel alone, defeated, and worthless. Logically I know these things are not correct, but my heart tells me differently.
I realize now that the GAL activities I was doing before were designed to make him notice me...I also realize I am very far gone and need a lot of help. I am seeing a new Phy next week that has the power to prescribe some meds. Its beyond time I get some help to curb the anxiety.
I will never understand how someone you trusted and loved since you were 17 could treat you so horribly and move on so quickly with someone new and think its okay....he has left behind a train wreck, and never even looked back at the carnage.
