Need help with detaching and hoping to reconcile.

[lillystillinlove]

Hi all, looks like almost all of my posts came through. The one that provided a detailed account of my situation did not. I'll see if I can give the Cliff notes version and let you ask if more information if needed.

6.5 years ago our son was born, around that time I became depressed and due to a variety of reasons it remained that way until recently. During this time my sex drive was very low. This led to my H becoming angry because of the way the lack of intimacy and affection made him feel about himself. This resulted in an EA with some physical affection with a very close family friend. We are coming up on the 6 month mark of my finding out. The EA etc... started about 10 months ago and ended 6 months ago. H is still very angry, he moves out on the 26th of July to see if the distance can help him reduce that anger and provide us the opportunity to repair our marriage.

I love my husband and I want this marriage to work. For a long time after I found out I smothered him with doing too much (begging, pleading, yelling, all of that crap). I've pulled back considerably and he does seem calmer.

We are both still angry. My biggest problem right now it reactions, I have a hard time containing myself in the heat of the moment. This is something I never really had an issue with but under the stress of our current situations a few things have changed. H is at a loss in how to deal with me when that happens because it's nothing he (or I) have ever really experience from me. I think if I can get that under control we can have more constructive conversations.

We each have an IC and we go to MC. I don't know how successful the MC is but it is the only place we talk about our relationship so I'm reluctant to give it up.

My IC was very good at getting me GALing and trying to detach prior to my finding DR and this site, so I'm doing ok in that area. The ironic thing here is that he is angry about the turn-around I've made. It's been pretty drastic. His problem is that, to him, is seems like it happened so easily. He wonders why this couldn't happen years ago.

The rest of the posts will bring you up to date.

If anyone can help me work through this it would be greatly appreciated.

dbmod - thanks for getting the posts out there. Sorry for the length of the "my story" post. This one is significantly shorter.

Thank you