TIME for a change

[Broken74]

Thanks oldtimer and Brit,

I'm glad you guys came back to feedback on my thread. As much as I appreciate it I agree with some points but not all.

Oldtimer,

I am owning my abuse and am not minimizing it. That is the reason I am here. There is nothing I can do about that now, what's done is done, so I see no point in speaking verbosely about it now. I've been in many relationships and was never abusive until this one. Why do I think this happened? Because I never had the stress (financial and otherwise) of overextending myself to support a bankrupt wife and three children. I assure you I will never say anything remotely abusive to anyone I care about again, and I have never laid a hand on anyone.

I'll see both your points that I am not ready to date. Given my feelings I guess the earliest I will able to do that in good conscious will be after the divorce is final if that happens. Reason being on the off chance my wife has a change of heart I would still consider entertaining it.

With all due respect no one on an internet message board can assess changes in me. I am sober and have learned many things about myself over the last 11 months. The people who know me have mentioned my changes. I am much calmer and less angry person than when all this started.

Let me give you an example of how I was played... Looking back, the last contribution my W made to the household was August 1st, going toward already acquired debts. In early August she put a laptop on my credit "for school" that utlimately she used for adulterous purposes. She started talking to OM on 8/27 yet ran up about $2000 on my credit after that for personal items, while enjoying her banter with the OM while we slept in the same bed. When she scheduled her first weekend outing with the OM she coerced me out of our marital home under the guise of "time to let us work on things". Do either of you think there is anything remotely right about this behavior? She flat out stole from me, and ended up taking every marital possession of value and left ME over $40,000 in debt as a result while she walked away debt free. This is AFTER I pulled her out of bankruptcy. If the same happened to you and you are ok with it and don't think you were played I would have to think you had lost your mind. I FORGIVE HER FOR THIS, but to explain my position/thought process I have to provide such detail...

Last point re to oldtimer, yes I was unfaithful to my W when were dating. That was all supposedly forgiven when I asked her hand in marriage. Obviously that was not the case. I consider us "even" now on that front.

Change the password and get the F out of W's life. She has had numerous opportunities to choose to interact with you and has chosen NOT to. Leave her alone.

You're right on that one oldtimer, that is the bottom line. She obviously wants nothing to do with me right now. My SS does and I am looking forward to spending time with him next week, I'm not going to mention W in any way it's just going to be he and I and baseball.

Brit I know men and women operate differently on many planes. When I give her the divorce papers on the 27th I will again make it known that I want try and reconcile but that choice is up to her. If she signs and files the petition, that is the end of the road for me. I will make no further attempts with her and that will be the end of it.

Everything points in this direction and I have effectively given up, save a miracle the divorce train is fast approaching I'm afraid.

Thanks again for you guys feedback and good luck in your respective sitch's!