Grace, Love, Compassion, & Faith - Looks Like What

[Valeska19]

Thanks Everyone. I didn't end up sending anything. I guess I'll explain my thought process.

.But it does seem as if you are reaching out to her. Why do that?

I mean, is this a form of pursuit at all? It's not commemorating YOUR R with her. It's about a personal achievement of hers which you assume she has maintained...and in truth, you thought was related to her ultimate choice to leave.

This really stuck out to me.. because you're right. There is a big part of me that blames her "sobering up" for the D.

I'm working on that.. because it's selfish of me to allow my hurt to overcome the awesomeness of someone trying to be better.

If I'm honest, I just don't believe her changes based on her actions. There is just too much pain there still and letting go and forgiveness is a process.

But what I believe about her and everything in regards to that is moot now.

I just thought to myself. "If I don't 100% believe her changes AND I'm not 100% happy that she is working her program - than I should keep my mouth shut". Because I'm saying something that I "want" to be true.. but don't "believe" to be true.

And that goes against who I am and who I continue to try to be.

I will always remember the day and should I even reach that 100% - then I can say something.

How do you know she is still sober? And frankly why do you care one way or the other?

You're right.. I don't know if she is still sober or really anything about her. The truth is that I haven't seen her in 8 months and not had a normal conversation in 16. (Man - how sad).

BUT I will always care about her. My love for her ran very deep and just because she doesn't want to be with me... only changes how I love her - It doesn't change the fact that I still love her.

I will always want the best for her. I will always want her to conquer the demons because I saw how it held her back for 9 yrs.

If your goal is to continue to not be your W's friend, then do nothing.

If your goal is to be your W's friend, be her friend. And do with her as you would with any other friend. If you would send another friend a card, then do so with her.

Just do so with no expectations. And what ever she got out of it, that's up to her...

Right now... doesn't look like she's coming back to you... so who cares if she thinks it's pursuit... what's she gonna do? leave you?

I do want to be her friend. I think I could get past the D and keep her in my life...

..but I need to remember that she has made it clear that she does NOT. She says so in both her actions and her words.

So the bigger question is why should I reach out to someone who continues to show me that she wants nothing to do with me??

Whatever her reasoning - I have made my intentions clear. She will either move back towards me or she won't. I truly believe there is nothing I can do.

and also if i am ready for where this card may lead.. (of course, one can never know for sure, and a good friend on here told me once that sometimes you have to test yourself to figure out where you are)

I did wonder where the card would leave or how she might respond. I wouldn't call it expectations or pursuit per se.. but it is something...

... and because it is there and I just can't send it - 100% just for her. I didn't.

I ended up just praying to God. Telling him what I wanted to tell her and asking him to help it become truth in my heart.

Thank you everyone... for continuing to push me to become a better Val.