so defeated and scared silly

[scaredsilly]

Hi bug! So nice to see you here! I'm going to try your suggestion more. It's amazing to me how very much I try to control the outcome. Even in a reply to a text message I will think about how what I say will get me what I want! It seems to be "uncontrollable"!!

But, i read that Pima lady this morning when I was feeling angry about how H will choose text over calling and speaking to me. It makes me feel so unimportant in his life.

The great thing is I thought about what I read and then stopped that feeling of anger, thought about my true hurt feeling under the anger, and then thought about H's true feelings under his desire to not call on the phone (fear, pain, etc.). So, I began to breathe deeply and pull in all of our suffering and the roots of this suffering, and push out all of it so we can heal and recover.

I'm not sure if I did it all correctly but it really took away my anger towards him and replaced it with more kind feelings about him. And, I was not afraid anymore!

I found out about all of this reading on these boards. Had I not gotten the bomb, I would still be suffering and scared and angry! Tell me there's not a higher power without a plan here! Everything is happening as it should!