Needing some guidance... 5

[jks]

25, the T session was awful because here I am trying to focus on me and how I'm going to continue on and he's telling me... well, you should just start thinking about getting D'd because this process is probably going to take 2-3 years to even look like it will go in your favor. 2-3 years??? And I basically just wait it out while H and OW move in together and quite possibly get married but then have no guarantees that he'd ever want to come back. That is HOPELESS... And I hated that he said it because then it makes me wonder what he's telling my H. And, no, it was not a breach of contract. He asked my H if he could share these things with me.

And, yes, H is the one that said he "distanced" himself. So in my situation is the distance helping?? I don't know. But there's nothing I can do about it. Brit, I focus on this because when a person says I see you're making changes BUT... it pretty much wipes out any hard earned changes that have been made. Basically saying that it doesn't really matter.

And I know what everyone is going to say... but you have to make these changes real. Something that he will believe can be totally different in a future R. I get that. I want these changes more to make me happy not for H to notice anyway.

I am way confused as to what to do with our kid situation. So, 25, you don't see a problem with her continuing to get closer and closer with my kids only to one day not be a part of their lives at all. Just confusing the hell out of them and putting them in awkward positions because they know its wrong. H and OW cuddling on the couch and the kids walk in... don't say anything but emotionally I know it affects them. They know we are still married and they ask everyday when daddy is going to live with us again.

Sometimes I just feel like my mind is being warped here because everyone is telling me that I should just be ok with something that is so morally wrong. And finally someone tells me, no, this should not be happening and you should protect your children. Of course, you still want H in their life but right now he can't be trusted. So, yes, I agree with her. I feel like such an awful mother for letting it go on for this long. And, yet, everyone here still seems to think that its ok.

I AM SOOOOO LOST!!! I cannot believe that MY H is the one who is putting us through so much heartbreak and insanity. If I say something to him that I don't want her around the kids anymore until we get this resolved, he will ignore me and tell me I'm crazy. So whatev... I have no control. These are only my children. No big deal. I'll just pretend like I don't see it like everyone else in is family does.

What an awful week this has been.