I am getting control back and I'm sick to my stomach that I let it go on for this long.
Here's the nut-you are a controller who feels out of control and it scares the shite out of you! I know, been there, done that.
Let that go, I know it sounds undoable but it isn't, it just takes work.
Talk yourself thru it, Why do I feel so afraid? Why do I feel so angry? What is it that scares me about this? What is the worst that could happen if I drop the rope?
You can't control him, you can control you.
And J, I know you feel overwhelmed right now but this is where growth happens. Don't back down from yourself now.
Seconded, from another recovering controller. You sound like you feel like you need to punish yourself for not doing something sooner. Much like you can't control anyone else, you can't control the past. You can only control yourself, going forward. We've all done things that we wish we could have done differently.
Drop the rope on your past, get your footing now, and look forward. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You can do it.
