so defeated and scared silly

[scaredsilly]

most definitely! i don't think i can make it through the day without the people on this board. i need the inspirations and the stories so much. all of you help me make it through each day!

having friends and family around will give me less time to be on here but GAL will be good for me.

it will be so nice to have a better frame of mind for this trip. the last time i went home, it was after i had spent some time with H, out of town, while he had to work. he was VERY cold and distanced from me. he even called me "evil" one time and that's when i came home and decided he was too angry for me to go back and put myself through it more.

i went home to see my sister but i didn't let anyone else know i was in town. i was too depressed to even be around anyone but her. i couldn't even be with my cousin, who i like so much.

it was just too hard to pretend to be happy.

i've come so far since then! i'm excited to see ALL my family and lots of my old friends. i've told friends i'm coming up and we're getting together for jazz club outings, dinners at my condo, card games, music festivals, etc.!

life does go on and get better, with or without H. i still would like to see us R but if we don't, i will make a life for myself, thanks to all the great guidance i've been able to get from everyone on here. i shudder to think what i'd be like had i not found this site.