If She Won't Stop the Affair?

[25yearsmlc]

Wont Stop.

Never leave your bed. Never be ashamed at yourself for getting angry. Stop ML with her.

fwiw, my DB coach said that's incredibly personal and for many couples it's how they felt connected. Don't let anyone tell you what to do there.

If you feel it's necessary to get STD tests, or if you feel used afterwards, that's YOUR choice. Don't let any of us dictate that most intimate of all acts...


Tell her she can sleep somewhere else in the house but that bed is off limits for now on. Tell her no more communicating with OM within the home. She can go for awalk.

that sounds like a lot of orders to go around. Wonder how they'll "work"...and if not?

But not in the house. If you pay for that phone. Call up and cancel it. If she is using the computer to do these things. Block her out of the internet. If that phone buzzes when you are around. Look her in the eye and say. Do not reply to your boyfriend in this house. Be very calm. Be very direct.

If she wants to act like a teenage girl then you will treat her as one.


sounds disciplined...and punitive...and PARENTAL...which is NOT attractive.

My DB coach was a Godsend who reminded me to "lose the parental voice" b/c it shuts down THEIR inner voice.
The more you challenge her choices, the more you force her to defend them, instead of her having the space to examine these acts and see what the heck she is doing.

Don't corner her into HAVING TO choose...b/c it will likely not go your way. That's the reason DB does NOT advise ultimatums.

and not coming from a warm welcoming home. Is he trying to keep the road home paved and smooth, or

teaching her a few lessons! B/C My DB coach said it's NOT our jobs to teach them lessons, life does that.


And with her not coming home to swim with the kids.

Next time. Wait 10 minutes. If not there with no courtesy call leave and do what you planned.

And next morning. Have her sit down infront of the children and apologize to the kids for why she stood them up. Do not make excuses for her. Do not hide her from being a bad mother.

SO, HE SHOULD SHAME HER INTO COMING HOME?? Using his wounded ego and pride as his excuse for being vengeful? Oh, btw, WHEN HAS THAT WORKED?

WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THIS?

IT'S NOT DBING....REPEAT, IT IS NOT DIV BUSTING ADVICE/

You go to her first and you say.

You will now go to the kitchen and apologize for standing up two very disappointed children.

If she hesitates. You say

"Children. Your mother has something to say to you."

If she lies or tries to get you to cover for her.

Say.

Wife. You are the one who did not meet their commitment. You own this. You apologize.

Crap behavior should not be tolerated. Ever.

If "crap behavior should not be tolerated ever..." Then MY h should leave me b/c I have not always treated him as well as he deserved.

I've been on occasion, a crappy wife.

God knows he was a crappy h when he was doing his MLC...and I'm so glad I learned about something called

FORGIVENESS....

I say this and one other thing..I don't recognize the above advice filled with ultimatums and dictations

as DB-Ing advice at all. Have you read the DB books and you just don't agree with them

or you have not read them? I'm curious...b/c this IS a Div Busting site.

We promote the solution based pro marriage approach those books promote.

Just my .02