Just wondering if there were any successful dbusting stories post divorce. I seem to have fallen into a greater funk since the papers were filed and my end close. I'm no closer to accepting all this today than I was 6 months ago.
I feel like I'm back at square one actually. Not eating, not sleeping, trying to reach out. When does this crap get any easier????
I've had 2 family members divorce and later remarry their exes, about 4 =5 years later. Each person had made signficant changes and there were children. I don't think anyone expected to reconcile at the time of divorce.
But there are other "Success" stories post divorce out there. I have 3 sisters, 2 of whom have been "involuntarily divorced."
Both ended up, eventually, happier than they would have been in their original marriages.
My older sister was the giver in her m, and her h was a taker. After 22 years and 3 kids and OW#2 (that I know of) HE left my sister.
My sister was heartbroken but dignified. She never "lost it" and 2-3 years after her h left, she remarried a man who really truly "gets her" in a way her first h never would have. I mean he DOES NOW...(yes, her ex h wanted to reconcile when he learned she was engaged but she told me that despite the pain of her children due to the divorce
"now that [she] knew what it's like to be THE priority in a marriage, [she'd] never go back" and she really is honestly, happier now than she could have been with her first h. Sure, she Still misses the inlaws and things like that,
but she personally as a wife, is better treated now than before.
Her ex broke her heart but he did her a favor.
(BTW, her ex h is remarried now too...to a woman HE describes as "high maintenance" so yes he does regret leaving my sister. But since my sister is now happier, all I can say is Yes my friend, Karma can be real)... So I see her as a "Success story" post divorce.
My younger sister fell apart when her h left her. She had revolved around him and smothered him and didn't bring a lot to the table. She was totally helpless and dependent on him so When he left, she was devastated and it took A LOT OF POOP to wake her up and get her going again.
She remarried a man who got sick and she had to care for him and he died. THAT got her into a new way of living...like a real adult.
NOW she's in her 3rd marriage and she's in the healthiest one by far. I mean I liked her 2nd h, but he got sick early in the marriage and suffered greatly but my sister really grew up.
So I also see her as a "post divorce SUCCESS story". NOT just b/c she's in a healthy marriage now, but b/c SHE is stronger and better than before. And happier.
Know what I mean?
There are several definitions to success here. You can create your own too.
Keep posting...there IS hope and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
if you do a search for throughtherabbithole or nickel you'll find a person's threads that helped me a huge deal. She was a walk away wife and post divorce realized she still loved him. He'd begun a relationship and she offered him just friendship. After ther threads end I was filled in by other board members that they got back together, remarried, and have a child together.
I learned so much about offering frienship on thier terms from her posts and what others posted to her.
If you look at my sig you will see where I'm at today. It's a long story but in short, he left me for ow, lived with her for nearly 2.5 years. She kicked him out and now I find out it's because he became mournful that he had destroyed his family, he called me late one night asking if the offer to sleep on the couch until he found somewhere else still stood. The couch turned into the bedroom and we are together again over 2 years but don't really have a direction yet.
He is much more attentive now than he ever was before and a lot of that came from me standing on my own two feet, taking care of my terminally ill mother and autistic son on my own without much input from him at all after he left. He saw me as more than the woman who took care of the house and cooked his meals and started seeing me as the woman he originally fell in love with.
Being yourself and finding what that means is the most attractive thing you could do. Even if he doesn't come back in the end, you will have gained so much more for yourself.
Remember, in the end, we are our own best advocate! Love yourself and others will love you in return.
Have you been to IC?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
April, I have zero desire to enter into another relationship with my XW. I do not find the person she is showing to me to be attractive. She is still running and spewing so I believe she is not interested in another relationship with me.
I am redefining what success means to me. For the time being it is to be happy with myself and my situation.
I would like to have a relationship as deeply trusting and loving as I once had with XW. I am open to the possibility it could be with her. Possible, not probable. I sometime wonder if I will trust like that again. It is another thing to add to the box of things I need to work on.
That said I do know of two couples that divorced for a time and got back together. One is still together and seems to be happy with each other. The other lasted long enough to get their son through HS before D again.
So it does happen. You're done when you decide you're done. In the mean time try and find some bliss whatever your situation. Life is too short to waste it upon sadness, anger and resentment.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Yes, I am in IC--have been. I just did not expect this to be so fricking hard.
Are you getting too hung up on the recovery stage?
Thinking that you need to be here, here and here.
Concentrating on large goals ?
Where in the grieving cycle do you think you are at ?
Give yourself some leeway from time to time. Set up some small goals to work on. Track it. Little goals. Like take 15 minutes today to pamper myself. And do that. Could be as simple as a bath and a good book.
Then build off these little goals. Move in housework and some GAL activities and exercise.
And start to trick your mind in thinking that you are moving forward.
A few good quotes in the mirrors are always a good way to start the day.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
