Barn's burnt down--

[sweetbabyred]

“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it's not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That's why it's your path.”

I hadn't heard this one, but I love it. I discovered Campbell's other quote last summer after my BD. I was so busy planning my SS's college fund and our retirement that I didn't enjoy the present.

I like this quote because it's a reminder that there is no one correct choice because it's my own path. I am forging my own way, one step at a time.

I think this'll make its way onto the bulletin board above my desk also.

Thanks!

[WenikiTiki]

Hi Labug!

I've been missing you. Glad to hear you are doing what makes you happy.

I got some of Pema's books. I am loving reading her. Learning so much. So much to still learn!

Aloha,

Wendy

[labug]

Thanks Wendy and SBR!

I realize I didn't mention my R/H in yesterday's post. Hmmmm

Things are status quo. We talk when we need to, he responds to emails and texts, no anger, no spewing. Not surprising, tho. That's him. Still waters run deep.

I realize that I have to give him space to begin to trust that I am no longer the fear-filled, controlling, angry mess that I was 16 months ago. He took a lot for a long time so it would be silly to think that it would turn around in a few months. He has noticed the difference in my R with our sons. That change has come about by me dropping the rope with them, giving them the space to make their own decisions and removing myself from the role of judge. I am their mother, here for support and advice, but only when asked.

When H bomb-dropped the path that had always been in front of me was demolished and I was scared to death. That fear is gone (for the most part) and I now know that I can choose each step on my new path.

Sometimes I'll misstep but it won't be the end of the world. In my IC appt yesterday we talked about being a toddler-I'm like a toddler just learning to walk on wobbly legs but with each step I get stronger and more balanced. I get cheers for the steps I take and encouragement to get up, dust myself off and try again when I fall.

And as far as the M is concerned, I'm OK, either way. Really. Because of that, I've been thinking of changing things up a bit but I'm not sure how.

Suggestions?

[sayitaintso]

I made a career decision that was scary and freeing at the same time. I quit a job (I had 2 jobs). Taking it was based on money, acceptable and seen as a smart move by the outside world but not a good fit for me. This has been a pattern with me forever; I somehow felt that if I wasn't miserable in some way, I wasn't working hard enough.

The job I kept fulfills me in so many ways and gives me time to pursue other things, GAL things. The pay is not as good but it gives me so much more and I work with a wonderful group of women who have been incredibly supportive of me throughout this journey.

I was also concerned about how people would see me as I changed direction. Yes, I've always had the need to be the smartest, fastest, jumping highest kid. It's time to let that go.

Passed time, really.

And now that I've cleared out some of that junk, who knows what new things await me. I was keeping myself burdened by that baggage filled with judgement.

Awesome Bug!! I can imagine quitting the job being scary yet it seems like a great decision for you. I look forward to hearing about what you are doing w/ all that extra time for yourself.

[labug]

Wow, all the way back on page 5...

[2thepoint]

Sometimes I'll misstep but it won't be the end of the world. In my IC appt yesterday we talked about being a toddler-I'm like a toddler just learning to walk on wobbly legs but with each step I get stronger and more balanced. I get cheers for the steps I take and encouragement to get up, dust myself off and try again when I fall.

Hip! Hip! Horray!

And as far as the M is concerned, I'm OK, either way. Really. Because of that, I've been thinking of changing things up a bit but I'm not sure how.

What ideas have you been considering?

[sayitaintso]

Wow, all the way back on page 5...

Was that for me?

[labug]

Showing up on his doorstep in a fur coat---and nothing else And in AZ in summer that would be a novelty.
-------------------
Being friendlier but not overly pursuing. We had minimal email contact for the first 9 month of this. I think at one point we went 5 months without setting eyes on each another and we live 10 miles from each other. Now since March I've seen him several times-no R talk just friendly banter.

I don't really know, probably a good one for the 48 hour rule. But all ideas and thoughts are welcome.

Well, they may not be welcome but will be tolerated.

[sayitaintso]

Showing up on his doorstep in a fur coat---and nothing else

That may be a tad extreme but honestly Bug what have you got to lose? What have you to fear? What is your goal? You are ok either way so IMO I would reccomend you just being you.

Whatever your comfortable with and makes you feel good. Being friendlier, flirtatious, whatever. If you are just being you and acting authentically then I don't buy into the pursuing as much because I believe that you are detached enough and at a point where as a friend of ours has said many times you are doing something , not to induce a reaction, but regardless of the reaction.

You are a great, inspiring, (add countless other positive adjectives here)woman and it is unfortunate for your h to not be able to see that......YET

[2thepoint]

Sounds like you've got a few good ideas already in the hopper. I particularly like the fur coat idea. The only thing missing is a bottle of champagne and 2 glasses to toast the event!

You go girl!